Mmm.. The delicious smell of noodles come wafting through the gentle air. Hungrily, a man wolfs down his lion's share with a fork. Something is amiss here. Something is wrong. I wonder... oh right. The man is fucking eating on a BLOODY BUS. Meet NoodleMan. Armed with a pack of stale beehoon, NoodleMan aims to strike fear into any criminals willing to go near him. Take that!*rancid smell* and that!*stale noodles in the eye* well, it's no wonder Singapore buses are quite literally crime free.
Seriously, does Singapore lack a decent place for you to catch some grub? With only about 700 square kilometers, perhaps the government should reconsider building places for people like this moron, to makan? Oh wait. There are already places like that around. They're called HAWKER CENTRES. VOID DECKS. NOT THE FUCKING 198 BUS. Okay, maybe this is a little too heavy. I may have brought down the hammer of judgment too quickly on him. But yet there is more.
Meet ChickenBoy. NoodleMan's loyal sidekick. Instead of the conventional stale beehoon, ChickenBoy prefers to go subtle, with a plastic bag of oily, greasy, overnight chicken wings instead. Bystanders watch in awe as ChickenBoy pulls out wing after wing, as the bag seems to hold an endless arsenal of weapons. Fuck that. And fuck him.
I wonder. Would there ever be a day where Singaporeans actually put down their kiasu mindsets, and actually THINK about others. Not the daydreaming fantasy type but rather, the be considerate mindset. I still remember Singa, that yellow creepy courtesy lion that made me have horrible nightmares of old ladies scolding me for not giving up seats on the bus. Yes, it was that scary. Now, why can't the government bring the friendly old cat back? I can see it all now: Singa, the hope of a new nation. On buses, notices are put up, saying: Fines for eating ->$500(or is it $1000? I can't remember. Singapore is such a clichéd country). Yet right below it, therein lies a munching bastard, eating his noodles like nobody's business. It is really bad. Perhaps the government should station Singa on every bus, ready to pounce on the unknowing, inconsiderate passengers that thinks beehoon makes a great scent to complement that expensive Chanel. Singapore is a clean and green country. Yes, it's clichéd, but the incongruous phenomena seen on buses is rising and astounding.
Now, pardon me as I prepare my next bus journey to meet BananaMan. Maybe he'll tell me a story about life in the kampong and treat me to a goreng pisang.
-Wayne, a disgruntled passenger
Labels: Wayne